


Catnip

by bixgchan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bordering Crack, Crossdressing, History teacher!Levi, M/M, also levi being a perverted old man, eren being a cute little shit, eren wearing cat ears, need i say more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 10:33:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7218961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bixgchan/pseuds/bixgchan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi's having a shitty day, somehow he ends up in a cafe filled with old ladies wearing cat ears, then suddenly Eren comes out dolled up in tights and a skirt and <i>cat ears</i>. Levi gets horny.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catnip

**Author's Note:**

> lol what is this (prolly crack haha /sobs/) hEY I TRIED DONT HURT ME ;-;
> 
> (not edited sorry will do so tomorrow i have school and i need to sleep so bYE)  
> edit: i fixed errors

Levi’s day has gone fucking nice so far; university isn’t university without the overwhelming diversity of the students that attend the institution and every darn day of Levi’s life for as long as he can remember he (begrudgingly) subjects his dignity to suffocating himself with disgusting coffee the teachers’ café lounge has to offer and the annoying brats that are supposed to be the hope of society.

In his defense, he’s really good at his job – like, _really fucking good at it –_ and Mr. Captain America also known as Sina University’s very own principal and founder, Erwin “Big Eyebrows” Smith, pays him a very large sum of money to keep him part of the faculty. Levi can’t blame the big blonde monster, he’s one of the best that the History Track has to offer, coupled with his capability to demand each of his students’ maximum capacity of attention during lessons and his unrelenting class rules that brings the school’s dress policy to shame, he’s well deserved of that hefty paycheck.

Some days though, he thinks it’s just not worth it.

Like today, for example; it’s been a really long day, and to hell with it if Levi’s going to have to be asked to deal with anymore complaining parents or crying sophomore students who failed his class or stupid cat owners who don’t know how to maintain their shit – literally. He’s tired and his face that is known to be set into an eternal scowl is in a state he’d like to call a resting murder face-expression-thing. The suit he was wearing was ruined because some stupid dumbfuck decided it was rational to go running around the school premises with a practically broiling cup of coffee in hand and runs smack-dab into him, Levi had almost chucked the stupid kid’s face against the wall if said kid had not ran away like his tail was on fire. Earlier on, there was some accident that had somehow happened in the adjacent classroom – another one of Hanji’s ambitious science experiments that always end up making a huge fucking mess, probably – and students were asked to exit the building so Levi had to cancel at least three of his classes just to find out that nothing was really wrong and that someone just left a dozen fart bombs in the corridors and that had caused the “accident”.

Levi wasn’t pleased that he had to move the class schedule agenda – again (after that fiasco last week with the Psychology class next door, _stupid shits) –_ and that he had to deal with the overbearing smell of shit that had somehow clung itself into the hallways and into Levi’s very brain, then, as if the universe and every goddamn deity had gathered together, sat down on a long-ass table lined with fancy linen and adorned with shining gems, to conspire against Levi’s very existence; the brunette kid who has Levi’s American Revolution class during four in the afternoon stopped attending approximately t-minus three days ago.

Not that he was counting or anything, it’s totally not because he misses the brunette kid named Eren who has stupid bright Caribbean eyes and that stupid lopsided smile and that stupid charming laugh and that stupid face and his stupid remarks when Levi talks about George Washington’s dick being inside Thomas Jefferson or that the stupid brunette was taking a PhD in Medicine but has no idea how to spell “occasion” and how he’s so stupidly adorable and Levi doesn’t care even if that dumbass with pretty eyes is basically half his age.

That doesn’t mean the stupid little shit could just forget all about his American Revolution class for three days straight – even though Levi knows that the kid just took his class out of interest (hopefully) and Eren doesn’t really need the extra credits to contribute into his degree, but still.

He’s just tired, and he wants some tea, and probably a chance to strangle Eren with his own guts – any of the two.

Anyway.

Levi exhales, expelling a gust of air that condensates into the chilly air of early December as he tugs on a coat and makes his way through the busy streets of the university grounds, watching as the students that are littered around the area were probably cutting class or heading out with their friends to get drunk or get laid or something else brats enjoy doing – and at the thought of ‘brats’ Levi could briefly remember the ugly Christmas sweater Eren had worn last week, how the brunette had waltzed into his classroom wearing the ugly thing but somehow still managed to look adorable in it –

 _Anyway_.

Finally, with not much trouble _, thank fuck,_ Levi reaches his car that was parked in one of the parking slots that were strictly for the faculty members, he wipes a smudge off of the windows – it somehow looks like snow, _huh_ – before he tugs out his keys to open the door. Levi starts up the Porsche, blasting the heaters through the leather seats and driving out of the university premises in hopes of scavenging the busy streets of Shiganshina for a café preferably _not_ crowded with hipsters, _not_ crowded with busy businessmen shouting into their phones, and _not_ managed by a filthy old cougar trying to suck his dick under the counter.

That’s when he remembers the small café Hanji had been asking him to go to for the last couple of days, the crazy brunette he (hesitantly) calls his friend kept on chattering his ears off about this new cat café that was tucked into a small alley in little Italy. Levi cocked an unamused eyebrow, listening with half an ear to Hanji talk about the dainty little shop and how they have a wide array of tea selection and they were very keen on keeping their facilities clean – they also played good music.

It seemed like a great place, Levi thought, although he had to admit that driving into the small roads of little Italy in the west part of town was a bit of a task, but it was just a few minutes away from the university so it probably wouldn’t hurt to check the place out. Levi parks the glistening white Porsche next to the pond in the heart of little Italy; he tugged his coat back on and also a pair of gloves, exiting the car and trudging through the calm sidewalks of the place.

Levi wonders why he hasn’t been in these parts of the town more often, it’s fucking _peaceful_ , and then he takes a tentative look around the place and has to stop in his tracks for a moment to admire and appreciate the view – it was like a small part of Greece had been painted into the middle of Shiganshina, the trees lined up the cobbled streets and a few older men wearing fall clothes and walking dogs were walking by the park, enjoying the chilly breeze. Levi can appreciate that.

After a few minutes of stumbling around and looking through fogged up windows in hopes of finding the rumored café, he turns the last street of little Italy and was welcomed with a small establishment tucked between a bakery and a flower shop of some sorts. The sign that was blinking lazily atop the door read ‘ _Cat Café’_.

_Huh._

*

 Levi’s got to admit that the coffee was fucking _exquisite_ , and customer service was also an A+ for him. (Even though they were all good old ladies probably around their late thirties and early forties wearing cat ears on top of their heads and frilly black aprons that were lined up with lace – thank heavens they were wearing dress pants and doll shoes under those things, Levi would’ve probably run straight out of the café if he saw women the same age as him wearing one of those maid costumes that’s been trending a lot, lately.)

The raven history teacher had settled into the corner of the café that had a nice view of the outside, where the city was lighting up as the sun bleeds out of the sky, and he sinks down on the soft couch as he warms his glove-free hands at the ceramic of the coffee, occasionally sipping from his drink as he savors the flavor on his tongue.

He can feel the stress of the day start to escape him, and Levi thinks he should probably get Hanji the fishbowl that she wanted three years ago – the one that had an aquatic disco ball attached to it – Levi tries to smother the smirk that starts to etch into his face when he thinks of how ecstatic the brunette was going to be.

_Brunette._

He can feel some of his previous irritation start to bubble back again.

_What the fuck is the brat even up to? Skipping my class and shit, like he’s got anything else better to do, tch._

He takes a sip from the coffee, it was still hot, enough to burn his tongue.

_Always smiling at me then suddenly disappearing like that, who fucking does that? Little shit stick._

The air conditioner hums in the background, whirring and buzzing through the soft hum of the radio playing a song from the Majestic playlist on Youtube; Levi knows because he’s listened to it before, he wonders what type of music Eren listens to, probably some of that punk rock thing kids seem to like these days.

Levi smiles into the rim of his cup.

After a few minutes of watching outside the window, he hears some hustle and bustle coming from the general direction of the counter, and Levi’s head whips around to see that the cashier who served him his coffee – _Carla_ was what her nametag said – was struggling to get something, no, _someone_ out of the back door of the shop and into the main dining area.

This person was being really difficult, and _really_ loud. Levi watches with slight interest as the sweet lady, Carla, tries to coax out the person from the back door and Levi can faintly hear someone grumbling out complaints before he sees Carla snort into her hand, saying something along the lines of “You look great, honey, don’t worry.” And that seemed to do the trick because the next thing Levi sees are toned legs stepping out from behind the door, covered in black tights and feet covered in adorable doll shoes that had a red ribbon on top.

Carla steps aside, and Levi sees that the – very _fine –_ legs were attached to someone wearing a really short skirt that puffed up from all the black petticoat worn underneath, to where the tights disappeared to – Levi wonders if those tights were connected to some lacy panties or something – and then there was the lacy edges of the black apron that the other ladies wore, but this one had a red ribbon strewn in the chest area, and Levi’s eyes finally reach a very familiar face with very familiar eyes with his own pair of black cat ears sitting prettily on  his head.

There, just a few feet away from him, steps out Eren _fucking_ Jaeger all dolled up in tights and a skirt, face red with a blush that was steadily spreading down his neck – _how far does it reach?_ Levi wonders – carrying a tray that had the small pastry that Levi ordered, and Eren was slowly making his way to his table with his eyes flittering everywhere else in the room, not making eye contact with anyone, as all of the other older ladies smile fondly at him.

He looks _too damn adorable_ and Levi doesn’t know if he wants to go down on one knee right then and there and ask this brat’s hand to marriage or if he’d get down on both of his knees to duck under Eren’s skirt and see for himself if he was wearing girl's underwear as well.

_Okay, anyway._

Eren reaches his table, and Levi takes note that the brunette was looking down on the floor as he shakily settles the tray down on the table top.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Jaeger?” Levi asks, voice coming out more thick than he intended, but Eren doesn’t seem to notice as he was more preoccupied with sputtering incoherent words and stumbling on his feet. Levi raises an eyebrow at the flustered younger man, hiding a fond smile between his mug, till Eren finally settles on saying, “Sir! W – What are you doing here, s-sir Levi?”

Levi puts the mug he was holding down on the table as he leans back on the back rest of the couch and laces his hands on his lap, eyeing Eren’s form from top to toe, offering a smirk. “Well, I’m here to get some coffee. What about you?” Levi replies, not really planning on slurring and twisting the words in his mouth but it just did – it’s what Eren does to him.

Eren blushes more at the suggestive tone, scowling this time. _Ah,_ Levi thinks. _Now there’s the Eren I know._ “I’m helping my mom. She owns this café, sir. Now, would you like anything else, sir?” Eren asks, eyes glaring pointedly at Levi as Levi continues to fuck Eren with his gaze.

“Hmmm, actually…” Levi starts, leaning his body forward and lifting a hand to travel up Eren’s thigh, flipping up the brunette’s skirt. “Boyshorts, huh?” Levi observes the pink and tight material, appreciating how Eren’s ass was sculpted nicely by the female underwear and how there was a faint outline of his manhood at the front, the tights falling below the laced edges of the boyshorts.

Eren jumps back, tugging his skirt down and face burning red, glaring at Levi with eyes that Levi only sees when Eren stays late in the university and Levi tugs him into the empty teacher’s lounge, laying him down on the desk and humping against his hardened dick, eyes bright and teary, begging yet stubborn, and Levi muffles a chuckle.

“You should’ve told me you had a new job, Eren. I missed you so much. I was actually mad at you.” Levi stage-whispers, and Eren whips back around, eyes wide and lips bitten between pearly white teeth, walking purposely towards Levi to tug the raven up from the soft couch and out into the cold streets of little Italy.

Eren takes them towards the small alley between the café and the bakery, Levi inhales the strong scent of freshly baked bread, before he feels Eren’s familiar hands settle on his shoulders, his own arms travelling around the brunette to enclose the younger man in a soft embrace before Eren leans down to kiss him chastely on the cheek.

Levi groans in annoyance, trying to land a peck on Eren’s lips, but then the stupid brunette slaps him on the arm and grunts out an “I’ll be back in class next week. See you then. Call me.” And Eren’s already making his way back inside the café, ass swinging around and slightly shivering from the cold.

Levi smirks to himself, thinking that he probably should start taking Eren to some dates and actually start becoming exclusive, and that he should probably buy Hanji three of those ridiculous fishbowls.

 

_  
_

__

**Author's Note:**

> hahaahahahahahahahahahahahha


End file.
